Unlearning is the leadership skill nobody talks about

We often celebrate the project leaders who are constantly learning – reading, upskilling, asking questions, staying ahead. And rightly so. But there’s a quieter, more uncomfortable skill that separates the good from the great in project leadership: unlearning.

It doesn’t get the same airtime. There are no shiny certificates in unlearning. But in my experience working with project teams, it’s often the thing that creates the real shift in people, performance, and project outcomes.

Why unlearning matters more than ever

We’re living in a time of accelerated change. New technologies, customer expectations, and workplace models emerge faster than ever. To lead in this space, learning is essential but it’s only part of the equation.

The real challenge? Letting go of what used to work.
That report template you’ve relied on for years.
That decision-making hierarchy that gave you certainty.
That “tried-and-tested” stakeholder approach that suddenly doesn’t land.

What served you in a past project, team, or organisation might be exactly what’s holding you back now. And that’s where unlearning comes in.

What is unlearning, really?

Unlearning is not forgetting. It’s not dismissing experience or discarding wisdom.
It’s recognising that the context has changed, and you need to change with it.

Think of it as clearing space in your mental operating system. You can’t install a new version of how you lead if the old one is still running in the background.

Unlearning is both mindset and method:

• A mindset of humility and curiosity: “What if there’s a better way?”
• A method of reflection, feedback, and intentional behaviour change.

The learning loop

In the adaptability ingredient of my Real Project Leadership book, I talk about the cycle of learn – unlearn – relearn. It’s a loop, not a line. And each time we move through it, our leadership deepens.

Here’s what that loop might look like in action:

→ Learn a stakeholder engagement framework
→ Apply it on a major project
→ Reflect on what worked and what didn’t
→ Unlearn your belief that you must have all the answers
→ Relearn how to co-design with stakeholders
→ Apply the new approach and start the loop again

Each pass makes you more adaptable, relevant, and real as a leader.

A real example

I once worked with a senior leader who had led large-scale programs in the past. They were brought in to sponsor a complex transformation. On paper, they had all the experience.

But their default style was command-and-control. They gave clear instructions. They expected updates and they grew frustrated when the team didn’t respond.

It wasn’t a capability issue. It was a pattern issue.

Together, we explored the idea that their leadership behaviours – while successful in the past – were now misaligned with the complexity and culture of the current program.

They had to unlearn:

• Telling, in favour of asking
• Controlling, in favour of trusting
• Protecting the team, in favour of empowering them

It wasn’t easy. But over time, they became not just a better sponsor but a more effective leader. The project, which had been stuck, started to move.

What might you need to unlearn?

If you’re feeling stuck or sensing resistance in your project, ask yourself:

• What assumptions am I making about what leadership should look like here?
• What habits or behaviours might be outdated in this context?
• Where do I feel tension and what might I need to let go of?

Unlearning starts with awareness. Then it requires intentional practice and often, some support whether from a mentor, a peer, or your own team.

Why this matters for project success

Projects, by their nature, involve change. We ask teams to change, systems to change, customers to change. But are we as leaders also willing to change?

When we lead by example, showing that we can let go of outdated practices and embrace new ways of working, we create permission for others to do the same.

That’s how cultures shift. That’s how transformation sticks. That’s how real project leadership shows up.

If we want to be relevant and respected in this next era of project delivery, we must do more than learn. We must be willing to unlearn.

Because the most dangerous phrase in project leadership? “We’ve always done it this way.”