Why Project Teams should start with curiosity, not connection

We often hear how vital it is to build connection within project teams. Connection is seen as the glue that holds collaboration together – trust, rapport, shared understanding.

So naturally, when something feels off in a project, or when a new team is formed, we reach for strategies to “connect.” We plan team-building days. We establish working agreements. We run icebreakers and launch meetings with smiling faces.

And yet, despite all this effort, something still doesn’t stick.

What if we’ve been starting in the wrong place?

In my experience, real collaboration – the kind that drives project momentum – doesn’t start with connection. It starts with curiosity.

The connection trap

There’s a subtle but important distinction here.
Connection is the result of mutual understanding and trust, not the starting line.

But in project environments under pressure, we often try to shortcut connection. We create the appearance of alignment before we’ve done the work of understanding. Without that deeper layer of insight, we’re building on unstable ground.

Teams might be polite, but not honest.
Meetings feel smooth, but avoid hard truths.
People nod along but keep their real opinions to themselves.

It looks like collaboration.
But it’s more like performance.

I’ve seen this across many sectors. Sponsors want to accelerate delivery. Managers want team cohesion. Everyone wants psychological safety, but they want it to appear quickly.

So we skip the very thing that would make connection real: genuine curiosity.

Curiosity is what opens the door

Curiosity is an underrated leadership capability, especially in project environments.

It’s not flashy.
It’s not task driven.
It’s rarely on the Gantt chart.

But it’s what builds trust from the inside out.

When a leader asks, “What might I be missing here?”
Or when a sponsor says, “Help me understand what’s not working from your view,”
They’re not just gathering input.

They’re creating space.
They’re sending a signal: You matter. I’m listening. Your insight is valuable.

In one recent project recovery, the leadership team was deeply frustrated. The project was stuck, the team felt fragmented, and a string of failed workshops had left morale low. The instinct was to hold yet another team-building session to restore connection.

Instead, I asked them to pause.
We shifted the focus.

We ran a curiosity roundtable: one question, asked in small groups, then shared collectively.

“What are you noticing that we haven’t made space to talk about yet?”

At first, the room was quiet. Then it came.

• Misaligned expectations.
• Stories of decisions made behind closed doors.
• A growing list of unspoken tensions.

The session didn’t end in instant agreement.
But it did end in clarity and unexpected respect.

From that space, connection began to build slowly, quietly, and with far more strength than any icebreaker could have delivered.

Why we skip curiosity

If curiosity is so powerful, why don’t we lead with it more often?

Because it feels inefficient.
Because it requires us to sit with uncertainty.
Because it challenges the idea that leaders should always have the answer.

Curiosity isn’t passive. It’s vulnerable.
It asks us to pause before reacting.
To explore before deciding.
To wonder, even when we’re meant to be driving progress.

And in high-pressure projects, that can feel counter-cultural.

But it’s also exactly what high-performing teams need.

Curiosity First: a simple model

Here’s the sequence I’ve seen work, time and again:

Curiosity → Understanding → Trust → Connection → Collaboration

Most project teams try to leap straight to trust and collaboration.
But without understanding and the curiosity that precedes it, those foundations are shaky.

Connection that’s forced too early becomes performative.
But when curiosity leads, connection grows organically.
It’s not just that we “like” each other — it’s that we see each other.

Small shifts, big impact

You don’t need a special meeting to start with curiosity.
Try embedding it in everyday moments:

• In your team check-ins, ask: What’s one thing you’re wondering about this week?
• In your retrospectives, include: What haven’t we talked about yet that might matter?
• In one-on-ones, say: Tell me something that’s been on your mind that hasn’t had a place yet.

Ask follow-up questions. Acknowledge what you didn’t know. Show that being curious is not a weakness, it’s a strength.

The legacy of curiosity-led leadership

Some of the most memorable feedback I’ve received hasn’t been about frameworks or tools, it’s been about the shift in how people felt:

“This is the first time someone asked me what I saw.”

“I didn’t realise how much I was holding in until someone made space for it.”

“Once I was listened to, I was all in.”

Connection didn’t create that change.
Curiosity did.

Next time you feel the need to “build connection” in your team – pause.

Ask yourself: What haven’t I asked yet?
What perspective might be missing?
What’s going unsaid that matters?

Lead with curiosity.
Connection will follow and this time, it’ll be the kind that sticks.