Not an attack, an act of accountability

We often speak about leadership in terms of vision, inspiration, and influence. But real leadership is also about showing up in the uncomfortable moments, especially when accountability is required. For many, the idea of holding someone accountable conjures feelings of dread. The emotional load is heavy. You play out the conversation in your head. You rehearse, revise, second-guess. You worry the other person will feel criticised, exposed, or hurt.

So, you delay.
Or soften the message.
Or say nothing at all.

Yet, when we avoid the conversation, we don’t protect the relationship. We compromise it.

Accountability isn’t aggression

We need to reframe how we think about accountability. It is not an attack, a punishment, or a power play. It is a leadership act grounded in care, responsibility, and clarity.

When approached with intention and empathy, accountability strengthens trust. It clarifies expectations. It invites growth. It signals that the work matters, the standards matter, and the people involved matter.

“Accountability is the glue that ties commitment to results.” – Bob Proctor

The emotional avoidance trap

Avoiding accountability conversations can feel like a short-term win. We tell ourselves we’re being kind, preserving harmony, or giving someone the benefit of the doubt. But avoidance usually leads to:

• Unclear or inconsistent expectations
• Frustration among team members who are upholding their commitments
• Erosion of trust in leadership
• Repeated mistakes or behaviours that remain unaddressed

In essence, we trade temporary comfort for long-term cost and we model to others that standards are optional.

Why we hesitate

Accountability conversations trigger a mix of internal fears:

• Fear of conflict – What if it turns into an argument?
• Fear of rejection – What if the other person takes it personally and pulls away?
• Fear of being unfair – What if I’ve misjudged the situation?
• Fear of escalation – What if this creates tension I can’t manage?

These fears are real and valid but they can’t be the reason we stay silent. Because when we speak with care, curiosity, and conviction, we create space for accountability to be a shared value, not a top-down directive.

A story from the field

In one business transformation program I supported, a project sponsor struggled to address a stakeholder who repeatedly pushed for scope changes without proper governance. The sponsor feared being labelled difficult or uncollaborative. As a result, the project team scrambled to meet ever-shifting expectations. Delivery timelines slipped. Frustration mounted.

With support, the sponsor prepared for the conversation. She clarified her message, grounded it in shared goals, and approached the stakeholder with respect and firmness. The conversation wasn’t easy, but it reset expectations, strengthened their working relationship, and protected the project outcomes.

The CARE Framework for accountability conversations

To support leaders in navigating these moments, I often share the CARE framework:

• C – Clarify the expectation or concern. What was agreed? What has changed?
• A – Articulate the impact. What effect is this having on the team, outcomes, or stakeholders?
• R – Respect the person. Invite their perspective. Listen without defensiveness.
• E – Enable a way forward. Co-create next steps, boundaries, or supports.

This approach helps move the conversation from confrontation to collaboration. It makes accountability feel like a shared commitment, not a correction.

Accountability as a leadership practice

Holding others to account isn’t a detour from leadership. It is leadership. It’s how we ensure that values, standards, and responsibilities are not just words on a page but lived experiences within our teams.

And just as important: it reminds others that they, too, are leaders. That they can be trusted to course correct. That they are capable of taking ownership.

Yes, accountability conversations can be uncomfortable. They require preparation, presence, and a willingness to be misunderstood in the short term. But they also offer the opportunity to clarify what matters, build mutual respect, and drive meaningful progress.

Next time you hesitate, pause and remember:

This is not an attack.
This is an invitation to accountability.
This is an act of real project leadership.